Leadership and the Sophomore Slump

I've hit the infamous sophomore slump with this project, although it's not for a lack of creative desire - I've managed to keep up on the photographic front and even squeezed in a few adventures.  The photographs I've taken seem to continue to improve in quality, composition, and drama; I've just found it difficult to write when all of my thoughts have been mundane. The old adage "when it rains, it pours" applies to my situation, with multiple unexpected demands cropping up at work and overlaying on top of each other.  Unlike previous assignments for which I was voluntold and just didn't know how to say no, these latest management tribulations fall squarely under my responsibility.  I'm not one to shirk from duty, so I've patiently (to the tune of the last 9 months) managed situations, put out fires, and demonstrated the so-called je ne sais quoi of being a strong leader.  And I will say, the last 9 months have been more mentally and emotionally exhausting than just about anything else I've undertaken.

Like anything else, I'm sure it will get better and I'll look back onto this period as a proving ground for my capabilities as a leader.  In the meantime though, it just feels like another frivolous first world problem when compared against some of the tragedies occurring around the world.  And yet, I'm so entrenched and exhausted by the day to day, I haven't had capacity to consider anything outside of my bubble.

I love travel and adventure and I don't blame my peers who quit their corporate jobs on a whim to pseudo-glamorously backpack around the world without a plan to "find themselves," but it's always been a little tongue-in-cheek for me when their posts to social media meticulously catalogue their journeys of escape and wanderlust at iconic places around the world, but their return to reality is silent.  They went on an epic journey to build character and life skill, but they don't seem any different once they return.  I may not have visited all 7 Wonders of the World in the last 3 months or quoted Tolkien to rationalize a lack of direction, but I have put my nose to the grindstone and managed unsavory situations that no one wants to deal with - the battle scars of leadership.  Through that, I know I have the discipline, good judgment, and sheer grit to make it through any sort of hell.  Not to mention, an intact savings account.

I did manage to take some vacation amidst the chaos to travel for a wedding and spent a few more days in Maryland and Washington, DC to draw inspiration from other great leaders in history.

Active Shooting Hours: 16 Review Hours: 4 Hours To Date: 271

Non-Resolutions

I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions - just because you make a resolution to do something differently doesn't mean squat. Habits are hard to change and willpower (like everything else that's worth having in this world) is a scarce resource. I did make a substantive change just today though - I started shooting in raw format and I'm never going back!!

For the past year and half, I shot exclusively in JPEG - a dumbed down, but commonly used image format for webpages, photo albums, and printing actual photos the world over. The problem is that when the camera converts images to JPEG, the files lose a lot of detail, particularly in the shadows. Keeping images in raw format preserves the details, but has to be processed in post and later converted to JPEG or some other friendly format.  Previously in this project, I wanted to focus more on basics - composition and lighting, so I opted to lose some details for the sake of simplicity.

Now that I have a little more experience under my belt, particularly in the exposure department, I feel like I can begin to explore more with colors and post processing. Once upon a time, many moons ago, I had the displeasure of an introductory Photoshop class taught by a less than competent teacher - a burnt out software engineer type who shouldn't have ever been in the business of teaching.  As a result of that haphazard class, Photoshop became more complicated and intimidating than it actually should have been. Granted, over the years, there have been significant improvements to the software available to process, organize, and edit photos.

Enter Adobe Lightroom. I was browsing for the latest version of Photoshop when I stumbled upon this amazing image workflow manager & basic retoucher. While it won't do the fine doctoring of Photoshop, this is probably more along the lines of what I need for the vast majority of the images I take... not to mention, it's a nice bridge to the intense editing. Also once upon a time, I had the incredibly naive attitude that great photographs should just come out of the camera that way, untouched. Perhaps because photography is frequently talked about in the context of capturing exactly what happened - what the eye sees.  And yet, that isn't quite right since even the best camera sensor can't precisely replicate what the human eye sees. Photography is less talked about and viewed as a fine art medium, which isn't always hard set in reality (see: every abstract artist, ever).  I think that's at least in part why digital manipulation of images evokes such a strong negative response from laypeople and amateurs. And of course, the term "photoshop" is so heavily and negatively associated with setting unrealistic expectations for women and, with increasing frequency, for men, in fashion and fitness magazines and advertisements, that it would seem that nothing good could come from additional processing.

But, editing in post is to digital photography what darkroom processing is to traditional film photography.  It's a misconception that traditional photography isn't processed.  Film photography actually involves a lot of processing - washing the undeveloped film in various chemicals to develop the images, stopping the reaction, neutralizing it to make the images permanent... and that's just preparing the film. When you actually create a print in the dark room, you have to expose the photo paper to light and develop that as well.  That's also when selective creative processes like dodging and burning (yes, just like the Photoshop buttons) occur.  Seemingly small changes in those steps can yield vastly different results to the final image.

Ultimately, to me, photography is a form of fine art to be enjoyed for its aesthetic quality - to tell a story, convey a mood, or just be a pleasing picture. I don't agree with photoshopping the hell out of portraits or models and setting unrealistic expectations for anyone, but to vilify all digital editing of photography is painting with too broad a brush (haha, see what I did there?).

In any case, a successful first day and I can't wait to head out again for more!!

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Active Shooting Hours: 2 Review Hours: 2 Hours To Date: 218

525,600 Minutes

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes,How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets? In midnights, in cups of coffee? In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife? In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes, How do you measure, a year in the life? One of my favorite songs is "Seasons of Love" from the musical, Rent.  It is a full ensemble piece where the characters wax philosophic about how best to measure the worth of a year of human life, concluding in the chorus that the best way is to measure in love.

And it was exactly one year ago today, that I took the first photos of this project.  While my initial goal for the project was to use it as a means of establishing a better work-life balance, I now understand that it wasn't just about spending time on a hobby... it was about identifying, appreciating, and chasing the love for my life.

As I mentioned in this post, this project has taken me so much farther than I ever expected.  While the actual hour-count dent I've made into the goal of 10,000 hours is underwhelming and so pathetic that it's laughable, the experiences and epiphanies I've had have more than made up lack of hours.

First and foremost, I have developed a better and stronger sense of self.  It sounds ridiculous, but prior to this project, I didn't really know what makes me deep-down, bottom of the gut, happy.  I think I was a little hesitant to even admit that, because it seems like something that should be straightforward - do what you like to do.  People told me to balance my life with work, but I didn't really know what interests, passions, etc. truly made up my life.  This project resulted in first discovering what was important to me in life, followed by a dogged pursuit of these things as opposed to just blindly following societal prescriptions of things that "should" make me happy.  Over the past year, I've witnessed many of my millennial peers also struggling with this concept, but many of them responded by completely shifting their lives 180 degrees.  Many quit their jobs to travel the world or switched careers or went back to school to begin at the beginning once more.  While those courses of action may work well for them, I knew that I would not be satisfied making a drastic change for the fear that it wasn't the right change.  Given my highly analytical nature and habits of frequent reflection, that little niggle of fear would get in the way of actually embracing the change and finding myself.  Not to mention, that would have been me throwing myself into yet another passion rather than learning to establish a balance.

Through this project, I've also validated my love for travel, adventure, friendship, and continual desire to learn.  I've explored a lot of places, traveled locally and afar, visited best friends... all with an eye to capture photographs.  As a result, I was able to satisfy my curiosity about the world.  My favorite big trip was probably the one I took out to Kentucky to explore the Bourbon Trail, because I'm not sure I would have traveled there if not to photograph the distilleries and scenery.  There was also something about this specific trip (I'm still not entirely sure exactly what clicked) that helped finally kickstart my journey for even more formal education.  While I've always thought that I would go back for a higher degree of some kind, I hadn't formalized any kind of specific timeline or action plan.  When I returned from Louisville, it all suddenly became very clear exactly what I wanted.  In the following 6 months, I took the GMAT, networked like crazy, toured several schools, and put pen to paper for personal statements and applications.  At the end of February, I celebrated and accepted admission to UCLA Anderson's Fully Employed MBA program.  Even though most people shy away from their lives being driven entirely by work and school, I'm exhilarated to not only learn more business theory, but also to be able to apply this knowledge immediately the next day - this is exactly how I love to learn.

Finally, as cheesy as it sounds, I've also found romantic love via this project.  While I didn't meet my boyfriend on a project excursion, his support of my project and desire to help me reach 10,000 hours resulted in planning and going on a lot of adventures together, during which we were able to get to know each other on a much more honest and intimate level than typical dates would allow.  You really get to see someone's true nature when you're challenging each other's comfort zones: driving along the switchbacks of sheer cliffs, getting up at the crack of dawn to catch a moment, and getting increasingly hungry, hot, and sweaty in the name of one more shot.  We have a connection and closeness that is just best expressed as true love.

So, I suppose you could say that the last 525,600 minutes of this 10,000 hour project have been filled with love... for photography, travel, exploration, good friends, learning, romance, and work.  It's ultimately been a journey of finding out precisely what I love and weaving those elements meaningfully to create a life full of love.

Since this is a 10,000 hour project on photography, I'll end with the photos I took this morning successfully summiting Mt. Lee and standing over the Hollywood sign.  After 2 hours, ~3.25 miles, and ~1700 vertical feet, we were rewarded with a view that perfectly captures my feeling about the last year of this project.

~10 minutes into the Bronson Canyon Trail, encouraged by a glimpse of Hollywood Sign up in the hills

The top of the canyon, roughly halfway to the sign.  The overcast day resulted in hazy, flat photos that had to be edited heavily in post, but it was perfect for novice hikers like us tackling a ~6.5 mile hike that also climbed 1100+ feet vertically over the course.  If it had been a clear and hot day, I'm not sure we would have reached the top.

Getting closer!

Reached a vista point and spotted the Griffith Observatory

The trail wound back and forth around and around... we spent a solid 2 hours climbing (and occasionally stopping for photos and to catch our breath) from the start of the trail.

The sign itself is fenced off due to the fire-prone terrain... and probably to prevent vandalism.  Fortunately, the trail proceeds even higher so you can get a clear shot of the back of the sign without a chain link fence in the way.

View of Lake Hollywood and part of the H from the summit

Panorama I actually took with my iPhone.  I couldn't get the entire sign with the DSLR and  I couldn't back up further since there was only roughly 20 feet to work with before I would have fallen off the backside of the summit.

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Active Shooting Hours: 2 Review Hours: 2 Hours to Date: 142